Failure Is Nothing

Names

2006-03-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

One night, while Kiasi was driving me out for supper...

Radio DJ : "Hi, and welcome back to our quiz contest... bla bla bla... OK, now, we have our 9th call-us through. Can I know who is this?"

Caller : "Hi, my name is Virginia."

Me : "Huh? Got people's name is Vagina ah?"

Kiasi : "No lah. But Virginia. You listened wrongly liao."

Me : "Oh.. I see."

Kiasi : "But if her name is Vagina, also never mind lah. Because I also know some boys name themselves as Dick."

Me : *ROTFLMAO*

Once Upon A Time In Biology Class

2006-03-08T07:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay. I get all the questions from the post here, "Why don't use protection, instead?"

Once upon a time in my biology lesson, the teacer taught us about safe sex. Condoms, ligations, you name them...

So...

Teacher : "The weakness of the condom is, might accidentally leak out. Successful chance is only 97%. Which means, 3% of the chances might left the sperms enter the uterus..."

Girl : "Since 1 condom is 97% of success, then why don't use 2 condoms instead? Much safer!"

Boy : "That's why lah, stupid! If use 2 condoms, where got feel?"

Everybody : *LOLFOC*

Deflowered

2006-03-08T07:38:00.000-08:00

Me : "Kiasi, Kiasi."

Kiasi : "Apa?"

Me : "You read this case already or not?"

Kiasi : "Oh... This case ah? I'm the first one who read this case. What's up?"

Me : "Wanna ask you hor, if you love a girl lah, will you care that she has already been deflowered?"

Kiasi : "Why not?"

Me : "Then, if had a baby before like that case?"

Kiasi : "Better still, can produce breastmilk already."

Me : *pengsan*

Pump Petrol

2006-02-19T22:21:00.000-08:00

Went yumcha with Kiasi at 11.30 p.m...

Me : "Eh, look at your oil tank. E sign comes out already."

Kiasi : "Aiyah, tomorrow morning, when need this car, then pump petrol again loh. What so big deal?"

Me : "You not scare one meh?"

Kiasi : "I only scare if I pump petrol, burglar will steal my Kancil in the midnight."

Me : "So, you mean if you don't pump petrol, burglar won't still your Kancil lah?"

Kiasi : "Will. But even though if got burglar steals my Kancil, due to the limited petrol, the Kancil will die engine somewhere nearby mah."

Me : *pengsan*

Trackback to here.

Random Conversation

2006-02-18T08:18:00.000-08:00

One day, I was in campus and SuZen was at LRT Station, I received an SMS from SuZen...

Su Zen : "I want to drive!! Give me your driving license!!"

Me : "I'm currently in Starbuck (Setapak), come and take from me! If got, go get one!"

Su Zen : "Hahahah cannot! I kursus also haven't go =.= you la. Bleh. You got license already a?"

Me : "Then Yupp. I got my license ready, but still don't know how to drive =( You go for the kursus lah. A while only mah."

Su Zen : "Sian la. No mood. Haven't go think about it also sian liao. Donno how to drive then gimme la. I got natural talent to drive just that I no license."

Me : "Aiyah, you also got natural talent to give birth also wut."

Su Zen : "Hahahaha!! Good one! Lol donno la. Haih. No car anyway. Waste breath. Boring la I'm waiting for my senior to pick me up from station to work. Wait so long already. Btw i still owe you a kfc is it? Or you owe me? I forget haha but I know kfc involved."

Me : "Of course you owe me lah. So when are you going to pay me back?"

Su Zen : "Good. Next month la. This month pay I only got half month. Then 90% of it I gave my mom. So, now no maneh."

Me : "Wah, so good girl. I want to work!! Give me your degree!!"

Su Zen : "Ya once in a while I'm good like that. Lolol. Work you head la. Study la you. I want to study also cannot lol jk. I still have to study. Bleh. Practise how to study last minute la. You'll need that skill when you start work, ok?"

Me : "Bleh, you want to study bcoz you want to see hensems only mah."

This conversation was held long time ago (last month).

Why I don't want to get a girlfriend?

2006-02-15T07:02:00.000-08:00

Friend : "Why you dowan to get a girlfriend?"

Me : "Dowan lah. Maintenance too high lah."

Friend : *LOL* "Where can you compare a girl with good?"

Me : "Why cannot? They (High maintenance girls) treat us like ATM also what."

First Time See Condom

2006-02-11T07:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my first time seeing an exact condom in my life. Serious! Really! No joke! I didn’t expect that!

As I’ve blogged about condom as the greatest invention of all, I’ve seen it on computers and books. But with my real eyes, I never seen this before. Yesterday was really my first time.

The case was like this. As I’m still single, my friend (a girl) would want to introduce me another girl. So, three of us went for a shop at *********** shopping mall.

While we were walking…

Guy : “Excuse me, we are currently doing a survey about AIDS and HIV. Would you want to fulfill our needs?”

3 of us : *look at each other* “Er…. Ok lah.”

Guy : “Thank you very much. Would you like to have a sit here and help us to fill in our form?”

3 of us : *sit down* *take pen* *Scribble scribble survey*

5 minutes later…

3 of us : “Survey done.” *pass up*

Guy : “Can you wait for another minute?”

3 of us : “Anything?”

Guy : “We would like to give you a free small booklet for each.” *pass 3 booklets*

3 of us : “Thanks.” *open booklet and read*

I saw the condom first.

Me : “Certainly, I’ve seen this things somewhere. Can I give it back to you?”

Guy : “Er… hehehe…”

Girls : *shy shy* “Can I give back mine to you too?”

Guy : “OK lah. OK lah.”

I’m still single, and I’m not desire for sax. So, the condom is still useless to me. Thus, I passed it back to that guy.

Where To Get Manties? HERE!!

2006-02-09T06:01:00.000-08:00

5xMom said, "Manties is the best present for boyfriends during Valentine's Day."

Kiasi said, "I got no girlfriend. So, who, how and where can I get manties?"

My answer to Kiasi:

Still remember this picture?

Want to get manties?

You can migrate to Indonesia and reside at the seaside, wait for tsunami, and be a victim of that tragedy, and hoping that donors will donate some manties to you.

:P *run away fast fast*

Lingzhi Advertisement

2006-02-05T04:20:00.000-08:00

One day at mother-side-Hakka cousin's house...

TV Advertisement: "wa eh kia hor, buey zi eh lingzhi lah..."

Cousin :*confused about Hokkien* "Maa~~~, why the auntie's son can sell Lychee until US and HK one? They got buy Lychee from Malaysia meh?"

Everyone : *ROTFLMAO*

Cousin's mom (Auntie) : *malufied* "Is Lingzhi! Not Lychee lah! TV got subtitle, you don't know how to see one meh? And then where got people can sell Lychee until can get to know Andy Lau and buy house at Damansara?!?!?!"

Kepong's Bloggers Gathering

2006-02-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

The Kepong's Bloggers Gathering was GREAT!!

Many bloggers really enjoyed themselves at there.

Who said I didn't attend ah?

I did attend the Kepong's bloggers gathering. But the only thing is, none of those bloggers didn't realize my existence. Maybe because I attended the bloggers gathering as a blog reader, but not a blogger.

Proof to show that I did attend? OK, here are some. Auntie Maria wore a white blouse, right? Shiaulin and Leecs came the earliest, right? LocKee arrived the latest (20 minutes after he told Egghead that he is in Sungai Buloh) that, right? Milly gave many presents to those small kids, right?

Yes, I did attend. I sat at another corner, watching all the movements of those bloggers. Hehehe...

Hopefully next time, when I blog get more popular, when Failer get more popular, then maybe bloggers will start to realize me.

Educational Loans

2006-02-02T04:12:00.000-08:00

Cousin #1 : "Wah, the course that I'm studying now at ****** college hor, is gonna cost me hundred over thousand leh. This time demn jialat man."

Cousin #2 : "You rich nevermind. You can still afford to pay."

Cousin #1 : "No leh, I still have to take loan from PTPTN."

Cousin #2 : "What for take loan from PTPTN? You know how much are you going to pay in the future or not? One of my friends took the loan from the PTPTN for RM66,000 and now, he has to pay RM105,000. Which means the interest rate is abot 60%."

Cousin #1 : "Haihz... no choice lah. What to do?"

Cousin #3 : "I took the loan from PTPTN when I was studying in college also. But I took the money to buy myself a car. Much worthwhile."

Cousins : *LOL* "Yayaya. That's much worthwhile."

Electricity Bill

2006-01-27T19:51:00.000-08:00

Dad : "Basket. 6 days already. But the electricity bill still not arrived yet. Don't know what the government is doing."

Me : "Wait for 2 more days lah. By that time, they sure come and send the bill one. And also collecting angpows from us also. Is like that one mah."

Life

2006-01-26T04:11:00.000-08:00

When I was small, about the age of 5, my ambition was to be an "Ultraman". Ultraman is famous among kids. I also don't know why, even though I like to watch it last time. Maybe when people are small, they don't understand what adults are speaking. They only enjoy the action, and that's maybe why Ultraman magnets them the most.

Things tend to be different when we grow up. We change from our ambitions from time to time. We know what is good. We know who will be highly looked upon.

One fine day, I was drinking tea with Kiasi at a mamak shop. Seeing an obese guy drinking his teh-tarik, I asked Kiasi, "He is so obese, and yet, he still drink teh-tarik. Not scare die one meh?", which to his reply, "Aiyah, for him hor, life is not important for him anymore. Die, die lah. If he doesn't drink, sooner or later, he will still die one day. Correct?"

I pity that obese guy. What's the meaning of life? Just drinking teh-tarik? I wouldn't want to repeat others have said how sympathy those unfortunates are. If I were asked what is the meaning of life, I would answer "enjoy". Yes enjoy. Humans are different from animals, living for enjoying, not for surviving.

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

If you think deeply, you'll know what I mean. Fate is decided by us, but not we are decided by fate. A billionaire who earns billions of dollars in his 80 years life time, but ended up being only rich, what is his life purpose? A beggar who begs in his whole entire life, what is life means to him?

Jobs are bored. Even Kiasi told me that he is bored of blogging. Even I'm also fed up of study. I'm also thinking, how my mother not to fed up to fed me up for 18 years. For all, she told me that she wants to give up me and let her enjoy the beautiness of the world.

Most of the accountants retire at the age of 40. Well compute their salary which can feed them generouly for their entire life, they resign their job, and enjoy the meaning of life. Travelling around the world, exploring places that no one has reached before are my dreams, rather than spending the other 40 years staying in my own house.

Life are meant for us to enjoy around. Life is beautiful, as all the flavours can be found in it.

After U

2006-01-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

Boy : "So, what are you planning after you graduate?"

Girl : "Er...Hope to get married after U loh."

Boy : "Huh? Want to get married after me ah?"

Girl : :@ "No lah! U means University. Not you!!"

Chromosome Unbalance

2006-01-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

Girl : "Sometimes I just don't understand guys. They always get things done wrongly."

Me : "Yayaya..."

Girl : "Sometimes I think that boys' chromosome are unbalance."

Me : "Hoi! Hoi! Hoi! You've crossed the border!"

Girl : "I'm telling the truth lah!"

Me : "Boys' chromosome are usually balance, as we have both sex chromosome X and sex chromosome Y. So, got yin, got yang. Balance mah. Unlike girls, they only have chromosome X."

Girl : *:@*

OK, throw rotten eggs at me. I was just joking, but the conversations are real, just to protect my gender from being criticized.

Studying Law

2006-01-11T08:03:00.000-08:00

My 3rd cousin is currently a police, and my 2nd cousin is studying law.

Half year ago...

3rd Cousin : "Hail, 2nd cousin. STPM result out already?"

2nd Cousin : "Yes. Straight As."

3rd Cousin : "Wah, so terror. So, taking what course?"

2nd Cousin : "I'm now taking Law course."

3rd Cousin : "Oh... Me police also got study Law one. Ours shortcut some more. Few months later, gaodim."

Me : "Aiyah, me studying Accounting also got study Law mah. Business Law, Company Law. Also Law mah. So, what so big deal?"

2nd & 3rd Cousin : "......"

The 10 Greatest Inventions

2006-01-04T23:19:00.000-08:00

During my high school, my teacher requested us to write her an essay which is entitled, “The Greatest Invention of the World”. She told us that to obtain high marks, we have to have a maturity to write something extraordinary. Due to the lack of maturity, I nearly flunked in that essay, although I’ve forgotten what I’ve written for that invention. Maturity is important!!

Now, in my mail box, there are 3 “10 Greatest Inventions” mails had been forwarded to my mailbox, and those 3 are just the same. I suspect they are rooted from somewhere. Those inventions are merely just plain, or whould rather say “immature”. But since I’m afraid they might by forwarded from somewhere to my mail without looking at the “copyrighted” sign, I would rather not to post it at here.

OK. But however, I’ve created my own “10 Greatest Inventions”. This time, I write it with maturity. So, don’t worry. You won’t get bored with this.

10 Greatest Inventions:

# 10: Wheel

No doubt it was regarded among the greatest inventions. It was invented 7000 years ago, and now, it has been widely used for transports and also building structures. It also helps to reduce frictions in order to move something much easier.

# 9: Telephone

Antonio Meucci, the original inventor of the telephone, althoug he isn't well known among us. No matter how, I still strongly think that telephone is one of the greatest inventions. Without telephone, without internet. Without internet, without blog. Without blog, without you straing at the computer screen now. Correct?

# 8: Light Bulb

The original inventor of this, is actually Joseph Wilson Swan. Nope, not Thomas Alva Edison. Joseph Swan is the inventor, while Thomas Edison is the "perfector". God creates light in order to let us see clearly in day, and humans followed His step, thus invented light bulb in order to let us see clearly in the dark.

# 7: Paper

Just imagine the world without paper, how will the words in the Bible and the Quran be? How will people wipe their buttocks?

# 6: Wave

Nowadays, all sorts of waves are around us. From gamma ray, X-ray and to the handphone's macrowave. Doctor use X-Ray to heal cancers. We use infra-red for physioteraphy. So, why doubt when wave is one of the greatest inventions?

# 5: Drugs

"Drugs" usually mean medicines. And medicines are used for medications, which have already saved billions or trillions of life.

# 4: Electricity

From the idea of lightning, the usage of electricity has spreaded around the world. Nowadays, almost everything run by electricity. Even we can see electronic cars on the road (not Malaysia lah, but other western countries).

# 3: Money

It's great. With money, you got the power! With money, we kick off the Barter Trading System. With money, we can buy most of the things we want. True enough, money is not everything, because credit card rules now!!!

# 2: Words/Alphabets/Characters

Something that we can use to describe. Something that we can use to express. When we are happy, do we not say, "I'm freaking happy!!"? When we are angry, do we not say, "Fark you!!"? Without words, how are we gonna express?

# 1: Condom

Surprise, but it's true. As a Malaysian, I'm proud that Malaysia is one of the largest condom producer. Just imagine without condom, how many lifes will be created and next, aborted. Just imagine, without condom, people are still masturbathing to prevent from pregnancy, and couldn't enjoy the meaning of sax. No doubt, it is the GREATEST INVENTION OF ALL! Agree?

Anyway, you readers don't need to agree what I've said. It is just my humble opinion, just to create something different.

Now, I'm able to create a "mature" "10 Greatest Inventions". I'm contented with this. If I wrote this during my high school and passed it to my teacher, I suppose I'll get a very good grade for this essay.

Since I've written this "The 10 Greatest Inventions", maybe I should publish "The 10 Worst Inventions" for the next post. But see first lah, depends on my mood.

Edufair FASQ (Frequesntly Asked SIlly Questions)

2005-12-11T02:43:00.000-08:00

Q : I am 17 and I am just a SPM qualification. I want to go Singapore to further my studies. I just got my driving lisence. Can it be used in Singapore?

A : No! You can't! To be able to drive in Singapore, you must at least be 18. So, wait for one more year, then only you can drive at there.

Q : I failed my BM in my previous SPM. I want to take a proper subject in college, very professional one. Can you suggest me what course to take?

A : Ah ha! Just enrol yourself into the baking course. Very easy. Just need technical skill will do.

Q : I scored straight As in my SPM and obtained 4.0 for CGPA. Many colleges and universities want to offer me scholarships and grants. So, which one should I accept? Which one is the best?

A : Compare those catalogues, see those banners. Which one got the most lengcais and lengluis, that's the best.

Q : What is my future if I pick up mass communication course?

A : You can be a crony after picking up this course. You know, crony can earn lots of money, can polish shoe, can go and play golf twice everyweek. So good!

Q : I want to be a model. I want my pretty face and slim body to be shown to everybody. But none of the university offers this course. How ah?

A : You can take up the nursing course. You can show your pretty face and slim body to tackle doctors. Patients will look at them also.

Q : I want to study at Hertsfordshire University. But I heard that there is a blast just now. Must I change my plan?

A : Erm... *speechless*

Edufair

2005-12-11T02:42:00.000-08:00

I just went to PWT for the edu fair. Lots of people, and lots of stupid questions. I'll post some FASQ later.

Hi

2005-12-11T01:57:00.000-08:00

Hi. Failure is nothing. But success is something.